Bestway Spring Swim Pool

This spring we were blessed with the opportunity to test out a pool from Bestway and Tryazon. As you know I have done Tryazon parties for years but this was hands down the best thing we have ever been approved to test, especially this spring that we are all sheltering in place at home and bored out of our socks. So thankful for something new and fun to do with the kids! The pool we received was this one:
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Coleman-Power-Steel-Swim-Vista-Series-18-x-48-Frame-Swimming-Pool-Set/988941245?u1=DSP90423E&oid=223073.1&wmlspartner=//DKHH05gv4&sourceid=14517888492347236721&affillinktype=10&veh=aff

We started out leveling our pool spot in the yard and brought in some sand to make a nice safe pad for the pool in our prickly rocky part of Texas.

The kids were so excited to have such a cool truck in the yard!

Next everyone helped out in spreading the sand and trying to make it level.

FULL DISCLOSURE: We had a really hard time getting our ground level... It is not as easy as you would think it should be. Its still not as level as we would have hoped but the pool seems to be working out just fine.

This box was huge! It had all of the pool, ladder, and pump in it and was brought via a semi FedEx truck- also a huge hit to see coming up our driveway!

I didn't get any pictures of the actual pool setup. It was all Brendan and I could do to get it set up. Honestly it would have been a lot easier with another adult at least though our kids did their best to help! But it did get set up and has been so much fun to play in!

I will come back and add to this post when we can finally have our friends out to help try it out too and let y'all know how its holding up!


Edit 6/29/2020
 Finally had some friends over to play! We are still very happy with the pool itself though are finding that the filter pump that was included is really too small for this big a pool. It is really hard to keep the water nice and clean.

The portholes have been really fun for the kids. Beth got over her fear of going under the water just so she could look out!

Tikiri Toys USA

Tryazon allowed me to throw a sample party last week with fun quality toys from Tikiri Toys!

 Super high quality hand made toys.

My girls were very pleased! 

 Check them out here!
http://www.tikiri-toys.com/

An Open Hand

Back in 2017 I thought I had figured out how to hold my babies with an open hand, trusting God with their future. Apparently that didn't last. Eliana is our rainbow baby, we lost two babies in the year before she was born. I had promised myself that I would hold her with an open hand- knowing that each child God gives is a loan. I don't know how long I will get the honor of raising any of my children. Our lives are numbered by God as are theirs. Right before Eliana's 1st birthday she came down with a virus/bacterial infection. No one else in the family was sick and I wrote the fussiness and poor nursing off as teething pain. By the next couple of days she had begun running fever and it was a struggle to get any fluid down her and any that I got down promptly was vomited back up. We were in an out of dr's offices and had 2 ER visits trying to find some answers.

ER visit number one.

 During all of this I was frantically praying for my baby to heal, in denial that it could be anything worse than something (as the first ER doc put it) that she just had to live over as all their tests kept coming back negative. Finally she was admitted to the hospital with severe dehydration and sore throat and given IV fluids and antibiotics. As I sat there that first night watching her lie exhausted, too sick to even complain about being put in a strange bed; I was terrified. I felt like the medical community was failing me. Nothing people were doing was "fixing" my baby. I had a tiny glimpse of what parents of kids with cancer or heart defects must go through. It was the worst feeling of helplessness.

1st hospital night

 By the grace of God she turned a corner while there, the antibiotics started bringing down her fever and the IV fluids helped a bit with the lethargy. Eventually she started eating and drinking again and we were sent home after just 3 days and 2 nights.

Finally eating food again though still super swollen from the excess IV fluids. 

 

 

 

 

Last dose of  IV antibiotics and so happy to be headed home!

The first night we were home I sat there in my comfortable chair, in the familiar nursery and rocked her to sleep and held her long after I should have tried to lay her down in her crib. I remember looking at her precious face and just being overwhelmed with gratefulness that God chose to allow her to stay with us. All of my babies are precious to me and I do not play favorites but Elie is special to our whole family. She is that bright spot in the midst of our storm of loss. And the thought that God might take her from us was more than I could stand.  I still struggle now weeks after the fact. How do I raise her for Jesus when all I want is to keep her safe? May God continue to work in my heart and help me un-clinch my hands and trust Him.

Home! (Still recovering though- poor tired eyes)

Getting so much better! She lived off goldfish crackers for weeks after...

Eliana Grace

Today is "Samuel's Day" in my heart. Today I "should" be planning his first birthday party but I'm not. It is so hard in the midst of grief to try and see the big picture and as humans still impossible most of the time.

Isaiah 55:8-9

 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 

 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I would have never planned to  loose my babies but if not for their loss I would not be holding a infant and trying to type this at the same time. I don't know why I had to loose my Samuel and Rena but I do know that it would not have happened if God did not allow it. His plan  for my life is always better than mine. This fall we welcomed to our family Eliana Grace Hughes. 

Eliana is a Hebrew name meaning "my God answers". God answered our tear-filled prayers and blessed us in His grace with a daughter to bring home and raise. Does she replace Samuel or Rena? No. She doesn't replace them any more than any new baby replaces a big sibling but she is the bright spot in our lives right now. SO much healing has happened since her birth. Rainbow babies are babies born after a loss as the bright spot in the midst of the storm. God didn't have to bless us with a baby but He did. May I always remember just how blessed we are.

Thankfulness

Today was Samuel's due date. None of my babies have ever come on their due date but October 22nd was the date that came up back in February when I excitedly put my dates in the online due date calculator after my first positive test. Since then I have had all the range of emotions; disbelief, joy, nervousness, terror, hope, anguish, dullness, anger, and sadness. Today though I felt a new one for the first time. Genuine thankfulness not just for my three beautiful blessings I get to raise and love on Earth but for my Samuel and my Rena that I knew and carried for such a small amount of time but have changed my life for the better. My kids sing a scripture song at Bible club almost every week that has haunted me since February.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."  

For months now I have been bitter and unable to give thanks for my babies in heaven. They brought so much pain and disappointment and financial hardship to my family that though I have always loved them and missed them terribly I have never before been thankful for their very existence without immediately feeling the pain of their loss.  But today I am thankful. Because they were conceived their very souls exist and even though they were born into heaven instead of my arms I will meet them in person someday because of the grace and love of my Jesus.  Yes, their loss still hurts and always will to some degree but to be able to think on them warmly without immediate pain is a huge step in the right direction.

We spent today holding our little family close and unplugging and soaking in the memories.

Scabs and 2 a.m. ponders.

Grief is like a big nasty scab. Imagine with me that you have fallen and skinned your knees. After the initial cut and the bleeding and pain lets up our bodies make a scab to cover and protect while the skin heals and scars. This allows us to go on with life with perhaps a bit of a limp but pretty much back to normal. It has been more than 2 months since we lost Rena and honestly life has been going for the most part back to usual with less tear filled nights and more genuine delight in watching my kids grow and mature. Not that I have forgotten Samuel and Rena but the sting of their loss has lessened and we have in a way "moved on with life".  I have gotten good at avoiding thinking about babies in general and been happily watching my "big girl" turn two and move out of her crib and start wanting to potty train.

Until tonight. Tonight I unexpectedly had that scab ripped off and ugly cried for my babies in public, with an audience of women I only slightly know. Those of you who know me well know I do not emote well in public but this grief is so heavy it was more than I could hold in for a more appropriate time.  Bless their hearts, the women surrounded me with an understanding and love that I did not expect. They tried their best to comfort me and prayed for me.  I so value the blessing of Christian women in my life right now. This pain has forced me out of my comfort zone and I have been comforted by many women of different walks of life with the common pain of losing a child.  

As I sit here tonight unable to sleep I have been thinking through all the different times I have "lost it" and had acquaintances try and comfort me in the past 5 months. I have received many "Don't worry you will get pregnant again." and even a few "At least it was an early loss." and "You already have 3 kids anyway, right?". All of these statements have come from well meaning women trying make me feel better.  From their perspective those statements should help but to a mother who has lost a child its like adding another nail to the coffin. By far the best comfort I have received has been from women who have also lost a child. They usually just say "I'm so sorry for your loss." or "Let me pray with you." They do not try and make it better. They know that only God can ease my pain.   
  

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 

 

I am reminded again and again that Jesus gives the only lasting peace.  If instead of trying to distract myself with life and trying to forget and move on I would reach out to my Savior and ask to be daily filled with His peace how much easier would healing go? If instead of trying to hide from the pain and building that scab up so I don't feel, what if I kept it soft by reaching out to people who have been blessed with a new life growing in their womb? It is so much easier to avoid my friends who are pregnant or have a new born but what am I missing out on by me avoiding the reminder of my loss?  I am missing out on the fellowship of dear friends and the chance to minister to them as I have been blessed.

My little songbirds

The last few weeks both Thad and Adeline have decided to start singing aloud. For those of you who know Thad you know that this a big deal for my little man who hates attention on him! So proud of all three of my little songbirds.